posted February 20, 2005 by Con Bard Drew

Con Bard Drew

What the fuck. Seriously, what fucking posessed them to set things up the way they did?

There are TWO Marriots within a block radius in Crystal City. One of them is the Crystal City, and the other is the Crystal Gateway. What the fuck is this, Neo Tokyo? Fuck's sake. The Krapsu website was not entirely clear on this point; it was not made obvious (to a lot of people) that the con was in Y instead of X.

Drove down with Kiko, Mitchan, and Aaron.

Getting there, i pulled into the wrong Marriot at first. However, there was no attendant on duty, so no parking fee. Whatever. Escape and go park in the Sheraton, as that's where Tim was staying. (found a spot right by the entrance and elevators, too!) Grab some bags and stuff, and head over to the con Marriot to find Mikhail, whom we were crashing with thursday night. Find him, get room key, retrieve liquor box, and start handing out Cocks (an alcoholic beverage) to everyone. Lamenting the lack of can-punch, i resolve to locate and purchase one the next day. Get dragged off to join an elevator party, as people want to hear the Morbid Con Story. Eventually get back and pass out.

Friday, Regged and wandered a bit. Fortunately Reg was painless and well-run, a bright spot on an overall bad weekend. Found a shop that had a can-punch, so purchased one (and installed it on my fucking keys! Now i'll always have one.) Also found fluid for my new Zippo lighter (which actually came free with my new van - it was under one of the seats), as well as a stainless flask and pipe to go with the "Inspector" costume. Tim shows up, and we go get his room. Due to his cell provider taking a shit on him, his credit card is too low to run the auth for the room, so i have to put my card down to cover it. Rest of the crew started rolling in, with Clint, Rachel, Mark, Sarah, and Alik (and her BF Paul) all staying in the Hampton Inn down the block. Kris gets in, and regales us of how her train drilled a tresspasser just outside of Philly.

Discovered the second Artist Alley in the Sheraton. This is fucked up. *Both* hotels are under construction, everything is inconvienient to get to, and poorly laid out. How is this supposed to be an improvement over the Hyatt? At least there, everything was in one place.

Ran into Adam and Mo. Chat a bit.

Eventually Clint, Rachel, Mark, Kiko, Tim, Alik, Kris, Kim, Bobby, Bitch, Dennis, Avi, Sarah, Andrea, and a few other people (whos' names escape me at the moment because i'm a goddamed idiot) and i all went to dinner at Matsutake. Between the 18 of us, we must have eaten nearly $700 in food.

Got back, found my apprentice Melliko, and hung out with Jer and the splurd crew a bit.

Eventually popped up to a party with Tiffs, put on by an Eric fellow. Mark wanted to do something too, but I didn't want to monopolize.

After that got shut down, tooks tiffs and kiko over to the hampton for a awhile; then headed to bed.

Saturday, still not much going on. Wandered and socialized. Hung out with Melliko, Aly and her BF for awhile, looking for someplace to eat. They snagged and shared a sandwich from the grocery store, which was entertaining to watch. Took Mel over to the hampton with me, where we ordered chinese with people. Getting near midnight, i walked her back to the Mariott, and headed up to Eric's party again for awhile. It got shut down again. However, this time it was a little different.

There was yelling. Yelling = Bad.

From what i've been able to reconstruct from info gathered later:

Hotel security came up, and first tried to tell Eric that having than 5 people in the room violated the fire code. Brad was there, and called the hotel on it's BS, that the fire code specified no such thing; and pulled his EMT/firefighter credentials to prove it. The hotel apologized to him, and then tried to say that 5 people in the room max was actually "Hotel Policy".

Then Odin (one of the Dealers) tried to leave. Hotel security moved to stop him, and pushed him against the wall. He started yelling at them to let him go, that restraining him was not only unwarranted, but an act of aggression that would result in legal consequences if it was not stopped. They asked him to come down to the front desk, and he did. The rest of us got out and filtered our way downstairs, to eventually congregate right outside in front of the lobby.

The cops showed up, of course.

The hotel wanted Odin arrested for his actions. Odin was calm and rational, and the cops felt that the hotel had been too overzealous, so they declined to arrest him. However, the hotel refused to let him leave outright; so the cops had to force the hotel into letting him go. He got in a cab and left.

So we're still all hanging out outside, feeling the adrenaline wane, and Creepo Suabe shows up. He approaches Tim, Aaron, Jer, and Kiko as they're standing as a small group, and tim yells something at me. I turn to head towards them, and Creepo starts really bitching to them about me. As i approach, his anger and vitriol become a full verbal attack, aimed at me. How I've ruined him by warning people about him. How none of the teenyboppers will have anything to do with him now because of me. (He actually used the word "teenybopper", even.)

So i tell him to chill, we back off a bit, and he wanders away. Someone mentions to me that he was the one following girls around, making them uncomfortable. So i decide to tell it to him like it is.

I go up to him, and i'm like "Okay guy, i'll level with you. I personally don't have a problem with you. What i have is that female friends of mine come to me, and tell me that you make them uncomfortable-"

-And HE GOES THE FUCK OFF. He breaks in, with "YEAH, BECAUSE I'M NOT A RICH ASSHOLE! THEY HATE ME BECAUSE OF YOU!" This continues. I back off fast, hands up in "i am not a threat"- manner. When he started yelling, he got the attention of EVERYONE. Steve Bennett, Goku-hair Derek, and Jer stepped in, and diverted his attention a bit, and Derek and Jer walked inside with me. We went to the front desk, and reported him for causing a disturbance outside.

Shortly thereafter, he was escorted to his room.

Tim, Kiko and i head back over to the Hampton, where i fill in Clint and Mark on the evening's festivities. Hang for a bit, then back to the Sheraton to crash.

Sunday, pack up my own stuff and put it in the car, then meet Jer, Jen, Xrys, Beak, and a few others for a quick lunch at the Potbelly place. After that, ran back over to the Hampton to pack up the liquor, and set it all on one of the Hampton hotel luggage carts, which i then rolled right out of the hotel and down the street to the Sheraton. Rolled it down the parking-garage ramp, and used it to re-trigger magnetic sensor on the entrance gate, getting a new parking ticket in the process.

Hung out at the Mariott with the crew a bit more, stopping at Steve's table. Steve took the opportunity to tell me about his own brief encounter with Creepo Suabe, where Creepo stopped at Steve's table, and started asking pointed questions about how to hook up with girls, and if Steve knew how *i* got so many girls. Steve's response to him? "Relax dude. When you worry about it like that, they don't like that." Creepo also started harping on me a bit, how i had poisoned the community against him, and Steve told him that i hadn't been saying *anything* about him, good OR bad.

Got the hell out of dodge shortly thereafter, with a brief stop at Clint's to drop off some stuff. Used the new ticket from earlier to pay, so parking only cost me $7 for two hours, as opposed to $45 for three days.

So Creepo thinks i've set the con world against him, eh? I haven't really, as i had no real reason to. I was content with just not having anything to do with him. However, he's forgotten one thing. Since times of olde, you never want to cross a Bard. For if you do, you will NOT like the outcome.

I'm working on some lyrics.

"The Ballad of Creepo Suabe".