So I'm checking out Studio Splurd's web analytics and it turns out we have a bunch of fans in the town of Sheffield England. So I just want to take a moment to talk about how FUCKING AWESOME SHEFFIELD ENGLAND IS!
Sheffield England. I found this picture on carfree.com but it didn't have a credit. If someone knows who this picture belongs to let me know because that person obviously loves Sheffield England as much as I do and they deserve credit.
Let me start by saying I've never been to Sheffield, let along England. I've been to Europe once, as a teenager on a family trip to France. And sure, France has art and castles and all that shit, but does France have its own Coat of Mother Fucking Arms?
Sheffield England Coat of Arms. Image found all over the internet, I'm not sure who it's copyright. Maybe the city of Sheffield England. I bet that's it. They're fucking bad asses, of course they're up on that legal shit.
Actually, yes it does...
Man, fuck France.
...but look at that lame-ass flaggy French piece of shit. Does it have a Latin motto? FUCK NO. Guess what France? With God's help, Sheffield England's labor is mother fucking successful. Eat that with your fucking snails, bitch. Oh what's that? Your coat of arms wraps its axe up in a bundle of rods? That's all nice and symbolic, but Sheffield England keeps its axe fucking drawn and in the hands of one big ass dude. I mean look at the size of that dude! That's a big dude! And he's got a mother fucking double-bladed axe! When he swings that shit, he's going to cleave like 12 zombies, and he doesn't have to spin it around to cleave another dozen on the reverse swing. That dude is going to tear through zombies like Bruce Campbell multiplied by Frank West with twelve cups of coffee and Red Bull. And that other dude? He's got a fucking anvil. When the first dude breaks his axe by killing too many zombies, he's got another dude RIGHT THERE to patch it the fuck back together. Shit, when the dead rise, don't go to fucking France, you head your ass to mother fucking Sheffield England. That's where the BAD MOTHER FUCKERS go.
You know why Sheffield England's coat of arms is so bad ass? I'll tell you why. Steel. Yeah you heard me. Sheffield England makes a whole fucking shit load of steel. It's their primary fucking industry. You think all that axe swinging coat of arms shit is just for show? Oh no, it's the fucking way they roll in Sheffield England. They are so metal they LITERALLY MAKE METAL.
You know what else they have in Sheffield? They have this mother fucking thing:
Some Awesome Fucking Mechanical Thing From Sheffield England, copyright Wikipedia 2010 or something, I guess.
HOLY SHIT! What that fuck is that thing?! That thing looks fucking AWESOME! I got that picture off of Wikipedia and even they don't seem to have any clue what that thing is. ONLY SHEFFEILD ENGLAND KNOWS WHAT THAT THING IS! My god, I was just messing around with the whole zombie thing and their coat of arms but SHIT! I think Sheffield England is ready for a motherfucking alien invasion! I mean LOOK AT THAT THING! That thing is not just for show. It DOES something. Some dude in Sheffield England has the button that activates that device and it's gonna fire a beam that melts souls. God DAMNIT Sheffield England is awesome, they have fucking Steampunk laser canons!
So pretty much, I want the whole fucking internet to recognize that Sheffield England is the best god damned place on the planet. They make steel, cleave zombies in twain and fire massive fucking laser beams at aliens.
Sheffield England. FUCK YEAH.