Heroes Villians

posted September 23, 2008 by Jer

Jer

I'm going to spoil the shit out of Heroes for you. Here it goes. This sentence below in the large letters is the spoiler.

All the characters are pathetic douchebags.

Let's look past the hype engine that is NBC. Here's a summary. "Heroes is the besterest thing ever OMG look at all these people who are on tv! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Now lets look at all the stuff people who watch the show already know, talked up in super epic TV announcer overdrama! Now back to these people, you're still on TV, everyone cheer! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY"

Sorry, got a little carried away. Okay, look. I'll make a deal with you. Stick with me just a few more minutes, and you'll never want to watch heroes again. Just look at this list.

There you have it. Once long ago, Marvel had super hero characters, but over time they became convoluted due to endless retcons. Now, Heroes is saving us the trouble of reading years of Marvel history by doing the same damn thing, only much, much faster. Yes, they also steal from DC, Watchmen, Joss Whedon and classic horror movies, but Marvel is their true bitch. Right down to the retcons.

SERIOUSLY. Three seasons and you're already retconning! JUST FUCKING STOP!

So angry.

Rating: 5.0 beer