VW Beetle Form Over Function.

posted January 27, 2005 by Cris

CrisThree years ago my father came home with his new mid-life crisis present to himself. A silver VW Beetle. One of those new ones. Complete with plastic daisy flower in the dashboard flower vase.

Dad totally loved it.

With it's retro-yet modern styling, turbo diesal engine (back when diesal was cheap), heated seats and bose stereo system my father was in Happy Acid Trip Nirvana Land. Now he could cruise into work (45 miles = 1.5 hours in NoVA limbo time) every morning blasting Tu-Pac while reliving a decade that he was actually never really involved in.

Everybody liked it except me. I thought it was retarded. And after seeing my grandmother's VW Jetta (a quality vehical model that she has always purchased over the years) constantly going into the shop for expensive repairs, I had my misgivings about this overhyped piece of fiberglass.

We've always bought VWs. My parents had a Rabbit, and then a Fox. That Fox was badass and lasted well into my highschool years when I needed a car to drive in highschool. We've always gone to the same very high quality, honest, experienced, and cool Mechanic/Auto Repair place (Waterloo Motors in Warrenton) who don't rip people off and do an excellent job.

So when I say that the VW Beetle is a worthless piece of shit, I want you understand my full meaning.

My parents have spent nearly more on that car in the past three years, than they have in ten years on a Mazda MPV that my brother now drives.

Last week was the straw that broke the camels back. In the shop it went, $500 later it's fixed. Next day it's back in again for something new, but easily fixed (and for free). The next day as my father drives home in NoVA rush hour traffic it begins to cut off on him. He managed to get it to the shop. And was given a loaner car to drive home. That evening the diagnosis came in. "Gas is turning to a gluey consistancy due to the cold. This happens a lot in diesal cars. Truckers actually dilute their diesal fuel to prevent it from happening"


Did I mention it had been in the shop no less than seven times in the past year for non routine maintenance and repair.

Mom's response: "We're trading this piece of shit in now. No more. Go get a Prius.

So now the stupid money sucker piece of shit is gone and a shiny maroon Prius is in it's place.

To quote Dad, "I don't really feel the need to drive so fast anymore, b/c this car makes me feel sophisticated"

My father isn't alone. I got to hear nearly the identical complaints from a classmate at school. Who continuosly had problems with her Beetle.

So if you like paying lots of money for imported parts/repairs every other month, then you may want to do 4 vodka shots before driving a VW Beetle. B/c that's about the level of stupidity needed to own and enjoy this absurd waste of auto parts.

Rating: 4.0 vodka