Today I'm here to do a thing that I very rarely do. I'm announcing a new Splurdagumi: Allison of the Glomp Army.
Many times since I started Splurd, I've found myself wondering what exactly qualifies someone as a member of The Crew. I try to identify factors such as having joined in to heckle a movie with Big Josh, or at least once having no choice but to sleep on Jenn's infamous red couch. The trouble is, ultimately the only factor that qualifies a person to be part of The Crew is we - The Crew - just know.
Over the past months we've been coming to realize that Allison has been one of us for years. It all started when I used to do the "Black Stick of Uselessness" rant at conventions and Allison and her friends got hit with Duck. At first, the Glomp Army were just our fan club. Soon they became trusted allies. Nowadays, I know for a fact I could fight zombies alongside the Ninjas of Glomp and any one of them would have my back. They're the only group I've ever made a Splurd-clone website for. Allison, however, has gone above and beyond. We have come to realize that Allison is just sort-of always there. We go to cons, she's helping run the table. We're getting sushi, she's ordering eel. We're watching movies on the red couch, she's manning the black beanbag chair. Not only is Allison always around, she always represents.
Allison is currently following Jenn's and my footsteps this year by shooting for her BFA at Virginia Commonwealth University. She's also teamed up with Q and Jenn to make Botched Roll and will soon be drawling Season 3 of Studio Splurd Backstage. She is a master of the twin Kung Fu styles "Glacial Fist" and "Iron Claw," has a superb flash-bomb throwing arm and her super power is the ability to explode yet remain totally unharmed. Obviously, she has all the qualities we look for in a friend, so it'll be quite awesome having her around.
So ladies and gentleman, I give you Allison, the newest Splurdagumi.
Now please step behind the concrete bunker, she'll be exploding from excitement any moment now.