Rockettes Christmas Extravaganza - a different kind of White Chrismas

posted November 25, 2006 by Jer

JerWhile in New York with my family this Thanksgiving I witnessed The Radio City Rockettes Christmas Extravaganza. This show is the worst thing on Broadway, a statement I can make definitively, having now seen TWO Broadway shows.

I believe the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Extravaganza (RCRCE) was intended to be a family performance. In this case, family means "over the head of kids but insulting to the intelligence of adults." The Rockettes themselves are well choreographed and quite hypnotic, but every circa 1930s kick-line performance was punctuated by obscenely Chistmastic pageantry.

The event was MC'ed by one Santa Clause. When not introducing the Rockettes, the Great Red Pimp set us up for doozies entitled "A bunch of Santa clones jumping around and calling for their hoes" and "23 white people and one black person dressed like a Old Navy ad whining about their deep-set desire for frozen precipitation while they shop mindlessly like good little capitalist drones." What made me want to cry was the number called "The Nutcracker," in which a nine year old ballerina with talent was obscured by the two dozen dancers in teddy-bear suites with no talent. I couldn't even close my eyes and enjoy my beloved Tchaikovsky, because for the sake of time the songs were abbreviated.

All of this can be forgiven by my high level of tolerance for children's theatre. What I couldn't forgive, however, was the closing number entitled "Living Nativity." Okay, so the performance hasn't changed since 1930. I'll stomach the pretentious long winded rant about how awesome Jesus is and how sad it was how he died for your sins. (not mine, yours.) I'll watch the riveting performance of people walking, in low light, with a real live camel. I'll pretend to buy it when everyone rallies around the radioactive glow-baby and bows in worship. I'll even, just this once, let you get away with selling me that a Caucasian kid was born in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, but only because I'll get tired of the argument. However, I will not - not now, not NEVER - buy a WHITE KING OF ETHIOPIA COMING TO VISIT BABY JEEBUS. You have a BLACK GUY in your cast! I saw him in the "Old Navy Ad" number! You have the correct number of africans to build a proper nativity seen and you still fucking blew it!

I hope you like Caucasianality, Ladies and Gentlemen, because the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Extravaganza is the WHITEST of Christmas shows ever. RCRCE gets four shots of whiskey.

Rating: 4.0 whiskey