Back off, Bitch! AKA The Tale of Stressy McIHateKids

posted August 25, 2006 by Q

QOk, so unfortunately I got a night to sleep on this, so I am not as rage-fueled as I was last night. I denied myself my poppyseed muffin for breakfast to replenish my anger. I love me some Poppyseed muffins.

So last night, Jer and I hit Fry's, because he needed some shit. I left him to putter around while I sniffed out the washroom.

I got in to do my thing and before long, I was no longer alone: I hear a woman enter with her child. And then I hear other things.

"Wipe your ass! Its DISGUSTING! You're all DIRTY! There's SHIT EVERYwhere!" All the while, the child is ...being a child. He's giggleing and not taking it too seriously.

"Get up! No, you're gonna wipe your ass. Don't touch me with your dirtyass hands, I don't appriciate it."

*Smack!* "Owwww*Giggle*"

Luckily, that smack sounded like something small like a smack to the back of the hand or something so I was not overly alarmed.

"And you'd better FUCKing watch the way you talk to me!"

Excuse me?! Lady!! You're not teaching the kid anything by being a swelling cuntwhore here! Like swearing at the kid is going to teach him to be a bastion of good manners? Guess what? When people argue with me, and start swearing at me? That's the point where I tune them out, because they obviously don't have enough respect to be rational right now. Fuck you lady!

And it's not like she thought she was alone. I am a bit neurotic in public bathrooms; I clear my throat at intervals or hum just to let my presence known. She knew I was there and she didn't miss a beat. She didn't care that someone could hear her knocking her kids self esteem down one berateing peg at a time.

I almost came out of the stall and said "That's a real nice way you talk to your kid there." It was right at the tip of my tongue, but I didn't want Ms. Stressy McIHateKids to take it out on her child even more.

So, I step out of the stall and they're out, and she's washing his hands, chastizing how filthy he is. I see her from behind and she's this skinny little twigass pecilnecked crackwhore thing that I could have floored. With her long dirtyblonde hair and skinny physique I thought maybe she was a big sister or a nanny. Then I saw her face. She's the mom alright. Mom-face.

So now she lifts her kid, who's also skinny, and doesn't seem overly perturbed at Ms. McIHateKids' ranting, in one ear out the other... And I hear something that explains it all.

"If I hadn't come in here with you, you wouldn't have washed your hands. That's sick. You can't be dirty! You can be dirty on Dad's time, you can't be dirty on my time!"

I trail them outside of the washroom, and then she chews out the kid again for putting his hood up. I pass them, ans Jer's there and I slip past him hissing "Biiiiiiiiiitch!" under my breath in his ear. Then they Pass Jer and I and I smile and wave kindly to the kid. I wait until they're gone before relating the story.

I've been listening to Guns N' Roses' "Back off Bitch" repeatedly and I dedicate that song to you Ms. McIHateKids.

And kid? Wherever you are, keep smiling and snickering, if only to stress her to an early grave.