I hate Aldous Huxley

posted June 21, 2006 by Jer


I haven't been ranting. It's not because nothing's on my mind. It's more a matter of there's way too much shit on my mind that wouldn't really make a good rant. Today I'm just going to do a brain dump.

On Anime:
Mystic guy: Congratulations, young Japanese girl from the modern world. Through totally improbable means, you have been given abilities and powers beyond that of normal girls your age. In fact, you could very well defeat all evil, end all problems and save the world as we know it. Now lets get you into some rugged and practical clothes that will protect you from harm and will last through your adventures.
Girl: No thanks, I'll stick with my school uniform.

On Korea:
I live in Seattle. That means that if Korea succeeds with this missile test, we're one of the American cities they could hit. Good thing most of the world doesn't know the pacific northwest exists. Thank you, California.

On Economics
In America, its very easy to earn money simply by having money. If you invest, or even have a savings account, the amount of money you have multiplies, turning into MORE money that you don't have to work for. You know, it's SO easy to make money simply by having money, you'd think that somewhere, someone was LOSING money just for the fact that they owe money!


On Skateboarding
I took up skating about a year ago. Talk about a confidence building sport. I hurt myself regularly, and after a few spills I realized something. When you skate confidently, everything goes well and you look cool. However, if you start to doubt yourself, you lose your balance and kiss concrete. Skateboarding is a sport that PUNISHES low self esteem. It's spectacular.

On Elves of Iax
I'm really fucking nervous about this.

On Being a Parrot
The Crew communicates almost entirely through movie and TV quotes. It's almost impossible to hold any conversation without invoking some pop culture icon. The weird thing is about 35% of the shit we say is actually original, but we usually have to CLARIFY to each other that we just made it up. Big Josh is exempt from this. That man comes up with new shit like its nothing. I don't even have anything funny to say about that.

More on Being A Parrot
Do you ever read? I do sometimes. I love Elizabethan literature. There's something about that period that caused the Brits to write the coolest shit. What gets me, however, is how literate the characters IN literature are. They could incant some obscure passage that I'd never catch without the footnotes, and the other character will immediately catch it. Here we see documented suggestion of the existence of ancient parrotism. (Read that word again, It has nothing to do with loving your country.)

So is literary parrotism in some way better than our pop-culture parrotism? I'd like to defend my generation by saying that we're simply invoking the concepts put forth by the writers of our time that we respond to in some way, and using the shared resonance between acquaintances to build camaraderie, but fuck that bullshit right in its rancid asshole. We're pop culture whores and cinematic parrotism is intellectual masturbation. I say this based on the way cinematic parrotism feels when compared to literary parrotism. When I pull a literary quote and someone gets it, I feel we are just a little smarter. When I pull a Family Guy reference, I imagine I'm laughing away brain cells.

Contradicting the above paragraph regarding being parrots.
I'm confusing medium with message. If I quoted STUPID books and INTELLIGENT movies, the opposite result of the aforementioned scenario would occur. I hereby state there's no difference between literary and cinematic parrotism. Cinematic parrotism just gets a bad reputation because - as Splurd's own rating system suggests - pop culture entertainment is just... just really bad.

On Drugs
I would like to consume less caffeine, but I'm a god damned addict. I've tried to quit quite a few times. I sleep more comfortably when I'm off caffeine. It feels like it does to your brain what cigarettes do to your lungs. You'll notice there's no rehab for caffeine addiction. Know why? BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU A BETTER WORKER DRONE! Sit down, shut up, drink your coffee and GET TO FUCKING WORK! Here! We'll even give you shitty coffee for free! Want coffee that's actually palatable? Go across the street and pay more for it then you'll probably spend on lunch today. Yeah. Pay it bitch. Drink up. It's a drug, we're addicted. Get back to work.

More On Drugs
I don't do pot. Not my drug. I'm a legal stimulants kind of guy. But I respect pot. It's like the opposite of caffeine. Caffeine makes you want to do stuff. Pot makes you want to do nothing. Now, lets look at the facts for a moment. Caffeine might be harmful and addictive, but it's encouraged because it makes you tolerate work. Pot isn't too bad for you and is not chemically addictive, but makes you chill out and not care about work. OH SHIT! NARCOTIC! LOOK OUT!

This is America. Drink your black, nasty Soma and go work in the factory while we pay you nothing and you go into debt and your blood sweat and tears make the people rich enough to own the means of industry even richer. PUT THAT BONG DOWN! You won't get any work done if you smoke that shit.

On Power
Capitalism works because of a free market. That means there are no limits to making money. Theoretically, that SHOULD mean it's easy for you to quit your job right now and go start a business doing what you really have always wanted to be doing. In reality, it means you're in debt and keep going deeper while your boss already has money but is perfectly unrestricted to make as much more as he can. The problem right now is that everything is for sale, including power, and the people with money keep buying more power so they can keep making more money so they can keep buying more power [FATAL ERROR: ENDLESS LOOP. Return to start.]

Funny thing about a free market though, the power is still in the hands of the people. No I don't mean your power to vote. Your vote is bought and sold like everything else. How many of you voted for someone in 2004? Wrong, the correct answer is ZERO. Except for the christfucking bible wankers, everyone else in the United States voted AGAINST someone in 2004. No, your power comes from your CASHMONEY.

Get this... Some company is being a dick hole about some issue you don't like. STOP BUYING THEIR SHIT. Companies have grown complacent because of brand loyalty, but we, as Americans, ARE ALLOWED TO STOP PAYING THEM MONEY!

Don't like Microsoft? Buy an Apple. Don't like hormones and trans-fats? Buy organic. Don't like animal testing? Don't buy Tide Fabric Softener. "Oh, but I can't switch to Coke! I love Pepsi!" Really? What has Pepsi done for you? Walked your dog? Picked your kids up from school? Sucked your dick? The company you love does not love you back! They love your money and THAT'S IT! Treat this like any relationship, dump that bitch and go have an affair with a better product who doesn't pollute the environment, poison your body and torture cute innocent baby bunnies. This is AMERICA and we have the RIGHT to DUMP OUR ABUSIVE COMPANIES.

On the Stock Market
I don't like it, but I'm in it. I started a 401K this year. Now, I'm no libertarian or nothin', but I wouldn't mind seeing Wallstreet crash and burn forever. (see above: wealth makes more wealth/debt makes more debt) However, I'll play the game while it lasts, and here's why:

Imagine there's a club. This club does bad things. However, there are so many members, that no-one can do anything to stop them. Now, the people outside the club get hurt by the things the club does, so they stand outside, shout at the club and tell them to "stop being a club!" and "stop doing bad things!" But the bad things the club does make them happy, so they ignore the people outside and continue to do bad things.

Now, a few smart people decide to join the club. They learn the clubs rules, they partake in the clubs bad things, and work their way up the ranks of the club.

So what happens next? Well the smart people have a choice! Do they (A) use their new rank in the club to take it apart? That might make some very angry ex-club makers! They might just go and make a NEW club! (B) Use their pull in the club to influence its activities, thereby making the actions of the club less bad. Well that sounds like the right thing to do, but it seems so slow and ineffective. Not to worry, though! There's always (C) Give up their ideals and enjoy the happiness and power that comes with being high-ranking in the club. My, what a popular answer! If I'm not mistaken, that's the option that everyone picks!

Welcome to the hand basket, destination: hell!

On Ranting
Did ya catch the "Brave New World" reference a few paragraphs back? Literary parrotism! You dig that shit? Congratulations, you're smarter! Too bad Aldous Huxley was a pretentious dick-hole who could suck my ass if he weren't dead. God FUCK, that book was poorly written. Don't you have to... oh, I don't know, have some Grammar Skills before they felate you for your writing ability? Shit, I got marked down REGULARLY for writing like Aldous Huxley. RUN ON SENTENCE was my middle name! Actually, my middle name was Nerd. So was my first and last. They tended to abbreviate that into just one word, but that's neither here nor there. Actually, it IS "there," but not "here." Well, I guess it's more of a "then" instead of a "now." What a stupid euphemism. Do you even remember how this paragraph started? Neither do I, and that's why I FUCKING HATE ALDOUS HUXLEY.

On The Future
The real reason I haven't been ranting is I've had shit to do. SplurdNet, albeit not much to look at, is built better than it was before. Elves of Iax is going to be for sale soon, and I've got a lot of really great friends who are all ready to help see it through. I've got bills to pay for that period where I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and I ended up trying to run a web development business in Seattle when I don't know shit about running a business and web development isn't even close to what I really wanted to be doing in the first place. I've been getting better at skating. Also, sometimes, I actually see my friends. It's kinda neat.

I don't know how many times in Splurd's existence I've reassured the world that Splurd is not, in fact, dead, but consider this one more for the tally. We're here. We're doing shit. It's just bigger shit then before and it takes some concentration. Also, some of us smoke weed, and as I mentioned before, that makes you not want to do shit. There's nothing wrong with that. We're the "Pirates who Don't Do Anything" for a reason.

Okay, brain is drained. Goodnight everybody.