X3 in a Nutshell

posted May 30, 2006 by Jer


I am about to spoil the shit out of X3. This should be read by anyone who's going to see it so they don't have to actually go see it.

Professor X: Jean, Magnito and I are flashing back to tell you you're this movie's major plot device.
Jean: Okay!
Angel: Dad don't come in! I'm masturbating!
Angel's Dad: No you're not! You're a mutant who's sawing your wings off and I know it!
Collosus: I'm SHINY!
Wolverine: ROAR!
Storm: Nonsensical attempt at wittiness.
Shadowcat: I like Iceman cuz he's cool and nice OMGYEY!
Iceman: I love Rogue, Shadowcat's just my friend.
Rogue: I'm a freak! Angst!
Cyclops: Jeans dead! Angst!
Wolverine: Get over it, Scott.
Cyclops: Angst! ANGST!!
Professor X: Now class, take a look at this guy in a coma. He'll be this movie's McGuffin.
Cyclops: JEEAAAAN!
Jean: Hi I'm not dead!
Cyclops: YEY! :)
Jean Gray: Whoops I'm the Phoenix now!
Cyclops: I'm ded from coke. :(
Beast: I'm Blueberry George Washington.
President: I know.
Scientist: We cured mutant!
A bunch of Mutants: Yey!
A bunch of Mutants: Boo!
Storm: I stole Wolverine's Angst YEY!
Wolverine: M'eh.
Storm: Nonsensical attempt at wittiness.
Magnito: You are a poorly cast representation of the morlocks and you'll be my bitches this movie.
Morlocks: YEY!
Callisto: I have absolutely nothing to do with the canon of my namesake. Where's your tattoo.
Magnito: I'm Jewish and Nazis are bad.
Mystique: I'm caught. :(
Magnito: You're free! :)
Mystique: I'm not mutant anymore!
Magnito: Pissoff.
Mystique: Naked angst. :(
Magnito: Juggernaught, Multiple man, you're my bitches.
Juggernaught: I'm British and a mutant, destroying all canon about my character.
Magnito: Good. Come along.
Callisto: OMG Jean!
Magnito: OMG WHERE!
Jean Gray: Roar!
Professor X: I'm ded from coke. :(
Wolverine: Roar!
Juggernaught: Smash!
Woverine: Ow! :(
Woverine: Jeans' in the forest!
Storm: Nonsensical attempt at wittiness.
Magnito: Roar!
Woverine: Ow! :(
Government: Magnito's in the forest!
Multiple Man: Neener!
Magnito: All your bridge are belong to me!
Government: We got plastic weapons!
Magnito: My catchphrase is fail.
Storm: Nonsensical attempt at wittiness.
Storm: Roar!
Wolverine: Roar!
Colossus: Roar!
Beast: What ho!
Iceman: Roar!
Shadowcat: Squeak!
Callisto: Roar!
Juggernaught: Roar!
Magnito: Mwa ha ha.
Pyro: Anger! Rage! Darkside! Must kill obi-wan!
Magnito: Patience, my apprentice.
Juggernaught: Hackneyed pop-Internet reference!
Shadowcat: Let's fight him by continuing to break canon!
Leech: Okay!
Juggernaught: Ow my head. :(
Storm: Oh ya I can do lightning!
Callisto: I'm ded from coke :(
Magnito: Flaming Cars!
Pyro: Flaming Cars!
Iceman: No Fucking Way!
Pyro: I'm Fire! ROAR!
Iceman: I'm Ice! ROAR!
Pyro: Ow my head. :(
Iceman: Ha ha noob.
Magnito: I rule.
Beast: Nope!
Magnito: I'm human!
Wolverine: HA ha pwned!
Jean Gray: ROAR!
Everyone else: OH NOES!
Jean Gray: I take people apart atomically.
Wolverine: I heal to fast for that!
Jean Gray: I'm ded from coke. :(
Angel: I saved my dad.
Angel's Dad: YEY!
Angel: Look I'm seagull man!
Angel's Dad: YEY!
Beast: I'm blueberry George Washington.
Storm: We know.
Rogue: I'm normal now.
Iceman: Was Rogue even in this movie?
Wolverine: I'm everyone's favorite character.

And they all lived happily ever after and everyone that died or lost their power didn't really. Then end.

Don't spend money on this movie. I give it 3.5 glasses of whiskey.

Rating: 3.5 whiskey