Jer's Nominees

posted December 19, 2005 by Jer

JerFor my Sober award, I originally wanted to nominate Jack Thompson. It was Gabe that pointed out how great it is that the person attacking video games these days is so beautifully inept at what he does. However, I feared the details of such a nomination would be lost on many people. Besides, my sober award nomination has to go to a movie.

There were so many good movies to hit theatres this year. The Serenity relaunched, Harry Potter met Voldemort, Anakin became Vader, Batman began, Wallace and Grommet rode again, aliens died of the flu, Constantine gave the devil the finger, "Doom," "Fantastic Four" and "Aeon Flux" sucked much less then anyone expected and four psychotic penguins taught a lion to eat sushi instead of his friends. 2005 was a year of movie magic.

The Sober Award, however must go to the best thing ever. My runner up is Sin City, mainly because I know I can count on Mr. Seffinga or Big Josh to nominate it in my stead. Sin City was a landmark for comic-to-movie translation. It inspired me to dress up for Halloween and subsequently put crap in my hair for the first time in my life. It was moving. It was beautiful. It had something to say and it said it. It was a perfect movie.

My Sober award nominee, however, is Peter Jackson's King Kong. Attack of the Show called it "Titanic with Balls." I call it a painting of what it is like to be a man in love. We are the monster, women are the perfection we adore but can never have and most of the time, all we feel we can do is get angry and fight off the other monsters of this world to protect the thing we think is beautiful but are never able to say so. The reason we call love story movies "Chick Flicks" is because they always portray love from female expectations - mainly because there isn't a market for love stories for men. If there was, there would be more movies like Kong. Beauty killed the beast, indeed.

Jer's Sober Nominee: King Kong.

Choosing A Bender Nominee for 2005 is harder though. Rich people continued to care more about money then the plights of the less fortunate. More evidence was published that the environment is even more fucked then we thought. Mother Earth gave us a tsunami, and earthquake, and the deadliest US hurricane season ever recorded. Politicians lied with every breath. My country's name as the beacon of democracy and human rights has been badly tarnished. Conservatives did whatever they want. Liberals did jack-shit to stop them. People my age totally failed to care. It's tough to pick the worst thing ever when you're such a pessimist.

The runner up for my Sober award is not Hurricane Katrina, but the poverty in America that it exposed. If you've ever kept walking when someone asked you for spare change, you're part of it - not for failing to give to panhandlers, but failing to realize there are some really poor people in the "land of opportunity." If something happened to the city you lived in, you'd get out just find and that person who asked you for change yesterday would be stuck in the stadium with hundreds of others. Dieing. Forgotten. You know, I'm not up to date on that book with the elongated plus-sign on it, but I'm pretty sure it says something in there about loving thy neighbor, caring for your brothers, shepherding the weak through the vally of darkness... ringing any bells? Get to FUCKING WORK people. Even if you don't give that guy change, buy him lunch one day and learn his name. Hear his story. If you just SEE what's wrong, your brain will start coming up with ways to help. I have, and this paragraph is one of the results.

However, My real Bender Award nomination goes to all Americans who call themselves journalists. Shame on each and every one of you. It's because of you that I get my news from the BBC. What passes for "news" in this country gets worse every year. There's too many opinions and not enough facts. There's too much pandering and not enough investigation. There are too many political fundamentalists and not enough JOURNALISTS. The media needs to find its BALLS again and attack EVERYONE in politics - Liberal and Conservative - instead of rolling over in submission and doing EVERYTHING their particular party says.

Jer's Bender Nominee: American Journalists.