The Bender and Sober Awards

posted December 13, 2005 by Jer

JerLadies, Gentlemen and Splurdites of all ages, I am pleased to announce Studio Splurd's first annual Bender and Sober Awards!

As you know, we have invented the Vice Rating System to rate pretty much anything we want. Usually it's movies and video games, but since we're equal parts anarchistic, apathetic and opinionated, we really can't stick to rules. Thus, we review whatever we damn well please. For those of you who never read the explanation page, our rating system is based on how bad things are. The worse they are, the more controlled substances they require to endure.

Well, to mark over a year of irresponsible, opinionated drug endorsement, we are going to hold the first annual Bender and Sober Awards. The Bender Award will go to the Worst Thing of 2005. It shall be a symbol of triumph and recockulousness - the movie, album, person, event or thing that was so bad in 2005, it took all the vice in the world to cope with it. However, to show that sometimes we actually LIKE things, we will also be awarding the Sober Award to the BEST thing of 2005. The Sober Award will go to the person or event that was so grand, even the chemical-addicted brains of certain Splurdagumi could go without mind-altercation for a day.

Between now and New Year's Day, we the Splurdagumi will begin submitting our nominations for the Bender and Sober awards. Though we'll only be nominating one for each, I expect everyone will use this opportunity to rant about the runners up. On January 1st, Big Josh (the king of chemicals) will announce the winner of the 2005 Bender Award and give proper disrespect to all the resulting losers. Then on January 2nd, Jenn (who's cleanliness puts whistles to shame) will present the Sober Award with props to the runners-up.

Let the Studio Splurd 2005 Bender and Sober Awards Begin!