Bitchy Artist Day

posted July 20, 2005 by Jer

JerI've been doing Splurd for 5 years and I still don't exist. Oh sure, I exist in a corporal sense, but nobody knows who I am and those who do don't care. I don't know if I'm bitching right now or just talking. Maybe a mix. I've had a few mild success stories, but on a large scale I've never really finished anything I've started. Cardboard Tube Fighter, Splurd.Net and Elves of Iax all loom - painfully unfinished - over my head, each promising success and recognition, each in their own way.

The most discouraging fact is that I really have no excuse. I spent the past year unemployed with limitless free time and I squandered almost the entire time. The fact that projects like The Elves of Iax have dragged on so long and transformed so many times makes it feel like they will never be completed, or worse yet, never return any kind of satisfaction that reflects the years of work that have gone into it. Almost a decade of development, redefinition and slow, forced progress have produced about 11 of the 30 pages I'd LIKE to have to finally publish just the first CHAPTER of EoI. Recently, I've settled for 20, just to get to some sort of breaking point. This is not to mention the periodic delusion of grandeur in the form of another, unrelated grandiose idea that, had I the resources and drive, would be a phenomenal success, at least in the security of my personal deluded worldview.

I'm just venting, partly because no-one has been posting anything else of interest on Splurd, but also because I need to. Despite my apprehension, I am making progress on The Elves of Iax. It's tedious, gradual, trickling progress, but it is progress.

I just hope it makes me exist.