SAW: Watered down for the dumb.

posted April 26, 2005 by Q

QThis review will contain spoilers. If you've not seen SAW, run away from this review.

Jer calls Psychological thriller movies "Q's Bread & Butter.". I love them. Looking at my dvd collection, one can easily spot "Silence of the Lambs", "Se7en", "The Maxx.", "AEon Flux", "Don't Say a Word", Identity", "One Hour Photo", "PhoneBooth" and other 'Psychological' titles. I love them, I thrive on them. "Boogiepop Phantom" is my idea of fuckin' GENIOUS!

So, I had high expectations of SAW. I mean, dude, the first thing I heared about it was the 'reverse beartrap' scene.

God DAMN was I disappointed.

The characters were just idiots. Some of the idiocy was understandable, such as the paranoid "How do I know I can trust you?!" stuff. Completely credible. Ok.

But how come the stoner Generation X-er was smarter then the freaking surgeon?!

GenXer: I have a tape player.

Surgeon: Toss it here.

GenXer: I don't wanna risk breaking it.

Q:...Slide it across the floor then? S'not like the corpse in the middle of the room is in the way.

Surgeon: Toss me a saw.

A saw flies into the screen, and hits the corner.

Q:*Hawks her guts up laughing*

It's a fuckin' HACKSAW! You don't throw those things around harry carry! It. is. a. SAW! Though, if the surgeon got hit by the saw, it would have been a much better movie. Slide the fucker across the floor!

Surgeon: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! I CAN'T REACH THE PHONE!!!!!! *Cuts his own leg off.*

Q:...Ya' know that saw? See how it is bow shaped? Why not use it to scoop up the pho-...never mind. Hey- now we're BOTH amputees!

Now- on to the psychological torture scenes. The razor wire one, I approved of. That's some fucked up shit right there. Oh, it's no "Lust" retribution (Props to Se7en), but not bad.

The pedophile dentist...ok, that's reaching slightly. I'd'a aimed that drill at his penis, not his temple.

Now- I was both fearing the 'reverse bear trap' scene, and adoring it.

But WHY was she being punished? Because she was a heroin addict.

WHAT?!

What the fuck does a skull crushing device and going through the guts of another person have to do with being a heroin addict?! The fuck?! Oh fuck me in the eye, Where's my copy of Se7en?! I need REAL torture.

So, in the end, everyone basically dies, those who should have died didn't, and turtle clowns are apparently scary. Especially if they're on tricycles.

Yeah.

I can kind of see the "OMFG!" aspect of the killer's identity, but the motivation for picking his prey didn't do much for me. "I'm gonna kill your kids because you're heartless."

DUDE! It's called transference! Transference is considered an unwise thing in the medical profession. Ya wanna torture the doc? Here's an idea: Have every terminally ill child call him 'daddy', give puppy dog eyes, make them so sweet he can't help but care for them on a personal level, then let them all die one by one. THATT is emotional torture. The standards of medical practice are NOT an excuse for you to be a prick!

Wow...soapbox.

Suffice to say, I hated this movie. The characters were morons, I didn't CARE what happened. I wanted them all to die, Then I wanted to leave the bathroom, and walk down the dark, foreboding hall and watch Jacob Singer get a lobotomy.

Fuck you SAW.

Rating: 4.0 beer