Eat a Fucking Apple

posted January 28, 2013 by Jer

Jer

Do you give fucks? Do you not give fucks? Are you looking to give fewer fucks?

That should be everyone, right? Good. Try this experiment. It's awesome.

Eat a fucking apple.

No, I'm not kidding. Go. Go now. Go to the nearest place where there's apples and get one. Eat it.

Watch this shit.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE A FUCK WHILE EATING AN APPLE

I'm not kidding here. How do you eat an apple? You just fucking bite it. Where? Who the fuck cares where. You know where to bite. In the APPLE part. You chomp the fuck into that apple and you rip it the fuck apart.

Look at yourself. You're a god damned bad ass. The number of fucks you give is decreasing rapidly.

Go for a walk. Apple in hand. Who looks at you? People? What do they think of you? Not a god damned thing. You're a dude eating an apple. Look at how you're standing. You're fucking chill. You know what? Strut. Strut like a pimp with an apple in your hand. Doesn't that feel good? No one cares. You're just a dude with an apple. You can fucking strut if you want to, and it feels fucking good.

You didn't have to peel shit. You didn't have to cook shit. You didn't have to do SHIT to enjoy this apple. All you did is grab it and comp like a fucking boss. How much are you going to eat? WHO THE FUCK CARES! You can chuck it after 4 bites or you could eat everything but the seeds and stem (seriously, don't eat the seeds). It doesn't matter. You. Apple. Zero fucks.

Try it. Go now. Quit reading Reddit and go eat an apple. Tell me you gave a fuck while you were eating that apple. You didn't. You felt like a boss. That's fucking science.

FACT: A Human is incapable of giving fucks while eating an apple.