posted March 19, 2004 by Jer


I was going to apologize for some of the things I said yesterday, but Jeff took it upon himself to pretend he was the FCC and bleep out what was written. Apparently, Jeff feels he is supreme overlord of what can and can't be seen on this site. Since I built the site, I have total god-like control over the database that runs Studio Splurd and it's news posts, but I have never, EVER, not ONCE deleted or censored a news post that my friends posted. The only edits I have ever made were to correct HTML or Grammar, or make fixes upon the request of my friends.

Jeff, I said things that I regret. I also said some things that I don't regret. Your censoring them doesn't make them go away. I need to accept the consequences for what I said, address them and apologize for them. You can't erase what I said from the minds of everyone who read it, and neither can I, despite wishing I could. I said stuff. Rude stuff. Now is NOT the time to pretend it wasn't said. Now is the time to start repairing the damage, acknowledge what I said was childish, patch up what can be patched up and move on.

Unfortunately, I have no back-up of yesterday's argument. They were reduced to Jeff saying "BLEEEP," and I subsequently deleted those. I do regret some of the things I said, and I regret more the how and where I said them, but pretending those words were never written is irresponsible.

Long story short: I'm very tolerant of abuse among friends. I dish it out as much as anyone, because I know my friends can take it and I know they will return with equal and opposite abuse. It takes a lot to cross any lines with me. The down side to this is that when abuse hits a breaking point, I break hard. An event occurred that hit a nerve—an event that hasn't really been spelled out in public, nor will it—which in turn set off about two dozen nerves I had been suppressing for the sake of friendship. I lost my temper, and I regret losing it publicly, but it needed to be lost. Only the future will tell what gets patched up and what gets left broken. If friendships are true, they are not in jeopardy, but if we truly have changed too much to go back, I don't regret any changes that occur.

No one is getting kicked out of Splurd. No-one will unless they wish to. I have my disagreements with the others—certain ones much stronger now than they were two days ago—but I will not do the Bill O'Reilly thing and turn off my opponents microphone because I'm losing a debate. I also don't want to end Splurd. One friend pointed out by e-mail that it seems to be the cause of all my stress, but when we do things like Blah #200, it has quite the opposite effect. Most of all, I want to become famous for my comics, but I don't want to get there alone. It fundamentally bugs me when famous or quasi-famous people ditch their respective crew, such as Natalie Merchant leaving 10,000 Maniacs or Fred Gallagher splitting with Rodney Caston. I know I can't do this without my friends. It just gets hard to avoid feeling or acting elitist when you're doing the majority of the work at the moment.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what I said, I'm disappointed in Jeff for censoring what I said, and I don't know what'll happen next but I'm facing it with an open mind. Right. Now, if you haven't yet, go watch Blah #200.