Bitter Again

posted August 16, 2003 by Jer

Jer

I turned 25 years old last weekend. I didn't do anything fun. I didn't do anything at all. I pretty much just spent the day turning 25.

I could have spent the day with a girlfriend, but I haven't been on a date in over three years. I could have done something fun with the Splurdagumi, but with the wrapping up of Otakon, they were all partied-out. I could have gone someplace fun on my own, but I would have gone out alone, hoping to meet people at whatever place I ended up. That never works. When I do that, I come home without meeting anyone new and feel depressed and crappy. I might as well go drinking alone.

As great of friends the Splurd Crew is, the fact is I'm the type of person to go-out-and-do-stuff-as-a-group while the Splurdagumi are all go-do-your-own-thing people. I feel like I need to meet some new friends to do fun stuff with, but I'd feel like I'm abandoning The Crew. Plus, as mentioned in the former paragraph, I suck at meeting new people.

What really irritates me is the feeling that I'm caught between cultures. One side is the stay-at-home-hard-core-geek culture. The other is the drink-and-party-and-have-fun-and-be-steriotypically-cool people. I dance but I don't drink. I play video games but I hate staying at home. I go to clubs but I don't talk to people. I read comics but not super-hero ones. I'm too geek to be cool, and too cool to be geek.

Note: There's got to be a better word for people who drink and dance and go to clubs... when I refer to them as "cool," I feel like I'm dissing all of geek culture. Basically I'm saying they are two opposing cultures, and I don't fit into either one.

I should be wrapping this up and making my point, but I don't think I even have one. I'm just a bored, bitter, lonely, pissed of 25 year old. I want to do fun stuff, but none of my friends like doing the stuff I think of as fun, and doing fun stuff alone just makes me feel shitty, so... fuck.

Oh well, life sucks. At least I can draw cool stuff, I guess.