Stupid Rich People

posted July 24, 2003 by Jer


The other day I was at Starbucks. It was because of those stupid frozen flappy-cheeno things. If you're going to mix brownie chunks and frozen coffee with a pound of sugar then sell it to me, you might as well save yourself the effort and sell me some heroin.

There was a guy in front of me in his late twenties with an average-quality suit and tie. He ordered a flappy-cheeno, too, but he didn't want whipped cream on it. He told the person behind the cash register, but she neglected to tell the guy making the drinks, so he got a flappy-cheeno with whipped cream on it. He made them take it back and make another one.

No big deal I thought. Then he turned to the average-pretty lady he had come to Starbucks with and made a condescending comment about the decline of quality in the service industry. He made sure he spoke loud enough that the Starbucks employees could hear. I sounded really, really shallow. I wanted to smack him just on general principle.

It's a fact of humanity that some people are born more privileged than others, but it's moments like that that make me think it should be illegal to earn a six-figure income without having done manual labor. I worked retail. It is hell. It is festering hell on earth, no matter how nice the place you're working at. The $5 you pay for a flappy cheeno doesn't go to the people making it, it goes to the people in the suits who own the brand name. The people making the coffee earn minimum wage to pay for school, or feed their kid, or maybe just survive.

I know you folks out there know this already. You know if for the same reason I do: you've lived it, or you are living it now. Once you've done it, when you move on to better things, smart people don't forget it. We never give a cashier shit for making a mistake or not going fast enough. People that do are the scum of the earth in my eyes—scum that gives perfectly respectable mud everywhere a bad name. That one is for the Pratchett fans.

My solution? Implement the "Rich Fucktard Tax." If you make seven figures or more a year, you pay half to the government. If you want a break, you have to have spent a year in a job where you do real work. Working a cash register; building houses, making food for other people, delivering packages, answering phones, cleaning things... anything at all where you have to deal with humans who find you worthless because you're not serving them fast enough.

Being a doctor counts as real work. Paying well and requiring seven years of school doesn't stop real work from being real work. The main target of this is people who make decisions or own things for a living.

Too bad that's who makes laws.

Oh well, back to dreaming.