On May 25, witnesses watched a Boeing 727 taxi down an Angolan airport runway without permission, take off and disappear without a trace. Last week, sources report they believe an American charter pilot is the one who made off with the plane. The plane has not been seen since it left the airport in Angola.
"We're completely baffled!" said a local fast food customer. "They changed the value meal numbers. How will we know what we're getting now?"
Authorities have not been able to locate the plane and fear it may have fallen into terrorists' hands. How did this plane vanish?
"It's easy," said Achmed JyliByli, expert on terrorism and silly string. "You fly it to a flat spot of desert, land then cover it in sand. You can hide the tail under a tent if there isn't enough sand to cover the whole thing. Or you can land it and tow it around by camel to avoid detection. If you're really good, you can hide it under your clerical robes and slip unnoticed out of the country."
The missing Boeing 727: buried like a cat's log? Towed by AAA: Camel Division? Mistaken for someone's proof of virility? We may never know.
Last week, Bishop Thomas O'Brien, 67, of Phoenix, Arizona was caught and resigned his position for fleeing a fatal accident that killed jaywalking pedestrian Jim Reed, 43. Witnesses had gotten the license plate of the car as it fled from the scene and investigation showed that the bishop exclusively drove the car. O'Brien's reason for not stopping is he believed he had hit an animal or someone had thrown a rock at his car, causing the windshield to break and cave in.
"I can understand how he could make that mistake," said a local photophobic nightclub bouncer. "Since the witnesses could see the license plate well enough, it had to be light out and with all that sunlight out there one could easily mistake a full grown man for an animal. I know I would." When asked if he would pull over to find out why his windshield was suddenly smashed, the bouncer promptly picked the reporter up and threw him into the closest dumpster.
Also on the subject of holy men being less than holy, 38-year-old Mortel Samuels was arrested recently for shooting a 16-year-old in Baltimore on May 25th. Samuels is a D.C. police officer, father of two and a church deacon. Robert Jones III told police that he yelled at a passing car that had almost clipped him. The driver got out and shot him in the legs then left the scene.
"Neither of these cases are what they seem," said Rev. Wilson Nevdu'rong, self-claimed fundamentalist and old fashioned Christian. "These men are men of God. Thusly, they couldn't have done what has been reported. We all know you media people are servants of the Horned One so everything you've been reporting about these two men must be false, lies of the devil and his imps. Now be gone! Away with thee!" We tried to ask more questions, but the reverend chased us away, spraying us with blessed water from a supersoaker water gun. Shortly after, his wife caught up to him and forced him to take his medication.