This Just In...

posted March 21, 2003 by Jer


According to White House staff, shortly after bombing began in Iraq, George W. Bush was said to have locked himself in the oval office for several hours. When an aid knocked on his door to ask if he was alright, he was reported saying in a rushed voice "I'm Fine! I'm just... praying for the safety of the soldiers!" Later, White House cleaning staff reported cleaning a "sticky, white goo" off the walls, floors, and ceiling of the oval office. Cleaning staff said they found a tape labeled "Iraq Bombing Footage" floating in a sizable pool of the unidentifiable substance, near the oval office VCR.

In other news, former intern Monica Lewinsky has requested full time employment on the White House staff. Lewinsky says she looks forward to working under President George W. Bush.