The Serious E-mail

posted March 21, 2003 by Josh


DISCLAIMER: This article should be read while listening to one of the following albums:

Greetings and salutations out there on the wave length of superior goofiness of the Internet! It is the one and only SUPER DUPER CRUNCHY CREAM FILLED GOD BOT here to tell you that we are at a serious moment in our generation, and I have taken it upon myself to be serious and answer this e-mail honestly—which is what I do anyway, but I will not try to make me and the cast of SPLURD! A MUSICAL laugh too much off topic. So straight from the computer of one of my first victims, "Mase," we bring you the ground breaking and maybe all too serious FIFTH E-MAIL!!!

Big Josh,

Well first thanks for making me your first e-mail, sorry about being so fucking weird in it. Any way whats your opinion of Gorge W. Shrub and this fucking war hes got us into?


Well to start things off, technically you were my second e-mail, but I am not here to talk about that. I am here to do what I do best: stomp some mental mind tracks into all of those who think that W. is doing fine behind the wheel of America when what he is really doing is driving this fucking country like his name is Ted Kennedy and the rest of us are just the hookers in the car that are going to drown when he crashes. There is a problem with this WAR that has started, and that is that both W. and Saddam are tards with huge egos in a gigantic prick fight.

This is how everything has been set up: there are two mongoloids running two countries. They are both playing chicken with each other to see who is going to swerve there car out of the way. Saddam is crazy and rules his country with and iron fist just like his comic book hero Joseph Stalin. He does not have the right to run a country like that at all, and that is where I stand on him. W., on the other hand, is giving us some half ass excuses about why he wants Saddam's ass. First he tells us it is because Iraq might have "weapons of mass destruction" that the UN Inspectors cannot locate and make him destroy. Then he tells us that Saddam threatened W.'s daddy by putting a price on his head. Finally he tells us that Iraq has now become the home of some or all of the terrorist responsible for 9/11 and other devastating attacks. Now as we can tell due to the fucking gas price hike up, I think it might have something to due with the 4 trillion dollars worth of oil on that land Saddam is squatting on.

Here is where I stand: this WAR is fucking stupid. I also FUCKING HATE IT because of some different reasons. First is the fact that this war is not cool at all with the UN, so we are turning our peace loving nation into this bully that likes to do what it wants when it wants. Since we have a President that wants the use this juggernaut of a country with all the destructive weapons and crap that we have... FUCK THAT. Second, W. is not listening to the many people that are so fucking against this war we are almost turning into butterflies. Third and a final reason: with all this concentration on Iraq and looking on them with such watchful eyes, I have just one question: what the fuck about North Korea? Huh??!?? You know there are a lot closer to us then Iraq, and the UN knows for a fact that they have these "weapons of mass destruction," but no W. says that it is China, Japan, and South Koreas job to watch out for them....AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

So there, that is what I think.
Questions, comments, concerns.... You know what to do.