Another day, Another year

posted January 24, 2003 by Jay


First of all, I appreciate the words sent forth by the Filthy MotherFucker and sit here passively for all those who represent the time and commitment it takes to do nothing.

On that note I say this. Yesterday was my birthday and don't go out of your way to send any greetings or think about me having a Happy Birthday because I didn't. It is not because of anything that anybody did or something that happened on the way to the forum. I was at school from 10 am until 10 pm either in class or rehearsing for a play. I couldn't have enjoyed myself if I wanted to. But that's not the problem. The problem was that I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that at the ripe age of 23, I don't remember the last time that I felt motivated to do anything. I start hobbies and let them flounder on the sidelines. I squander time that should be spent doing work of some kind. I just generally feel that everything I do is a waste of time.

I'm not going to say that any one thing is the cause of my stroll through the land that is the Doldrums beacuse that would be pointless and nonconstructive. But I will say that phrases such as "It will only get better," and "Come on, cheer up," only tend to piss me off even more. What's worse is that I say those things to my friends and for that, I am sorry.

It is this line of thought that has led me to at least try to do something constructive with my time. I know however that this is easier said than done. But I figure if I put it up in this open forum, people that I know will read this and kick my ass into motion when I slack off. That is all I ask. I don't want sympathy. I don't want empathy. And most of all, I don't want people to bullshit me. That is all that anyone can truly ask for in this world in which we live in.