So it's official. In the pursuit of proving its borders to be a bastion of sanctified marriage, North Carolina criminalized same sex marriage, according to the General Assembly chapter 51-1.2. Way to go, North Carolina. I'm sure that'll show everyone you really mean it when it comes to protecting the institution of holy matrimony.
Unless of course, you're impotent.
If you don't have the working pluming to conceive a child, according to Chapter 51-3, that's grounds for immediate nullification of your vows. If you can't get it up, you might as well be gay.
It's not all doom and gloom in North Carolina, though. According to chapter 51-4, the only family member you can't marry is your sibling, which includes half-siblings, so yes, cousins actually are fair game. Also, when a man finds himself dealing with a wacky case of statutory rape that left a 14 year old girl pregnant, it'll all be fine if he just marries her, according to chapter 51-2.1.
I started reading because of some urban legends floating around. Hilarious as they are, I'd didn't feel good about claiming them as fact without some backup. My favorite states that if an unmarried couple checks into a hotel as married, they are henceforth legally married; however, still prohibited from sleeping in the same bed. It sounds like the kind of archaic law that just never got removed from the books, but I can't find any reference to it, and chapter 51-1 pretty much calls it bunk. Sorry folks.
In a move of confidence sure to bring on the most uproarious conservative castigation, President Obama took this opportunity to officially support gay marriage. I think we should follow suit, relax and let this happen. Homosexuality is as much of an abomination (Leviticus 20:13) as bunnies (Leviticus 11:1-12). Homosexual marriage provides structured families incapable of procreating and necessitates adoption, something our society desperately needs more of. More families seeking adoption will give troubled parents an option to abortion, making it illogical to be pro-life and anti-same-sex-marriage. Homosexual couples will not guarantee children will grow up homosexual, because heterosexual couples seem to occasionally raise homosexual children. Homosexuality is a common aspect of our species dating back to our very early history and should be embraced for its numerous positive aspects.
Marriage is about family. After music, families are the best thing humans create. The opposition is xenophobia, plane and simple. Let's stop empowering hate in the name of fear. Haters are always going to hate. I'm actually tired of hating them back. Lets let the haters hate. Let's let them stomp and roar and spew their rage. Let's focus on doing what they refuse to do. Let's support families.
All of them.
More Stuff to Read
- Treatment for Heavy Metal Poisoning
- Eat a Fucking Apple
- Giftmas 2012
- Thanksgiving Turkey Soup
- The Vote
- World of Fucking Warcraft
- Lies are like fire, facts are like stone
- iPad Sized Pop Tart
- On Development
- A God Damned Piano