Hi. I'm Jer, and today I'm going to explain Studio Splurd's rating system.
Studio Splurd is sorta a blog-ish... thing. We also do comics sometimes. But the members of Splurd are a bunch of pretentious heavily-opinionated media junkies, so we relish in passing judgement.
So we rate movies and comics and... whatever we feel like really. But we don't do it on how good things are. Most stuff these days sucks, so we devised the Vice Rating System to rate how BAD stuff is.
There are eight rating icons. Most of them relate to alcohol. Some to assorted drugs, and others to mere sugar. All, however, are bad for you. Thus, the more icons something is rated by, the worse the thing we're raiting is.
- Beer - Liquid bread. The cornerstone of any alcoholic's diet. Beer is our staple rating icon, the one we use for your average movie. Most good stuff is rated 1 or 2 beers. Average to below average stuff is 4 or 5.
- Vodka, Wiskey - Hard Liquor, a must for getting hammered. If we bust out these guns, we're usually addressing something that sucked hard. An average movie might get a couple vodka shots, while complete and utter tripe is going to require tipping quite a few Whiskeys on the rocks.
- Espresso - Caffeine! Sweet, dark, evil, and necessary for making it through the more boring, mind numbing media we are subjected to. We are men and women of honor though! We refuse to be defeated by such garbage, and at times like this, several shots of espresso will be consumed.
- Punch Soda - It must have been upper crust for a Splurdagumi to enjoy something sober, but don't underestimate the vice powers of Sugar! Our soda of choice is generic artificial Fruit Punch, but we don't discriminate when it comes to tasty beverages.
- Shrooms, Bong Hits - Sometimes you hit the bottom of the barrel. Sometimes you scrape it. Sometimes you dig all the way PAST the bottom, into the dirt and hit the septic tank. When you're officially trying to sell us grade A 100% pure CRAP, rules go out the window. Personally, I don't touch the illegals, but with comics and movies what they are right now, I can totally see why some folks do.
- Cupcakes - No Caffeine. No Alcohol. Not even any THC. Every once in a while, it's pastry time. Good ol' sugar doesn't get the recognition as a vice that it should. Never-the-less, the better media we endure can be rated by sweet, fluffy cupcakes in all their frosted evil.